Keeping score

     The fact that life is not fair is pretty apparent to anybody who played dodge ball in grade school or noticed that the prom queen was not only gorgeous but could execute a perfect back flip. 
    So life is not fair. That is not to say that we shouldn't strive for fairness in our dealings with mankind. I don't think the inherent unfairness of man's experience on planet Earth is a green light to tread ruthlessly upon our fellow travelers. 
    Fairness is one thing. Score keeping, well that's a whole different animal. To make sure the small kid at your son's birthday party gets a share of the pinata candy is one thing. What I'm talking about is score keeping.
     We all do this. I do this. Some of it is social etiquette (you reciprocate a dinner invitation, for example)  some of it is decency (writing a thank you note for a gift or nice gesture), but it can get out of hand when used to keep a running tally of what is owed to whom when it comes to people you care about it. Whether it's keeping score of favors or phone calls or insults, this is treading in dangerous waters.
    I'll bet the vast majority of family feuds and broken friendships can be boiled down to this one insidious character defect. Yes, it is defect as is anything you believe, hold onto or do,  that doesn't make you feel peaceful. And score keeping is sure to mess with your serenity. ..."I'm not watching her kid again, she never watches mine"..."why doesn't he host the holidays once in awhile"..."why do I always have to travel to her house"....We can rationalize away a lot of bad behaviors on our part or keep a lot of good stuff from entering our lives, just but letting that score keeping tape run in our heads.
    Now I'm not saying you have to force relationships that aren't enjoyable to you any longer or be a doormat and say yes to every unpleasant task asked of you.  But what about the hurtful word tossed your way you feel must be answered in like fashion? Or the invitation turned down because you've been feeling neglected?
    The thing about score keeping is it takes a lot of energy to keep track of that score. And your score may be different than others which results in fights over who, indeed, is the truly injured party. Sometimes if your perception is that the score is wildly out of your favor, there is nothing another can do to even it up for you. A lot of fun and love is sacrificed for nurturing resentments and blame.
    How different our lives would be if we  approached each moment with people with fresh eyes.
    What if we just let the scoreboard go black and just played the game with joy,  peace  and love as our only motivations?