Bad Days and Dollar Stores

Everybody has bad days. It is inevitable. The alarm clock doesn't go off and coffee grinds get into your morning cup and its off to the races.
    I have been having a particularly difficult year and when I have a bad day, its a doozy.  I get the feeling lately that I'm God's plaything. I have been exasperated to the point of exhaustion. Yes, I will admit I get angry at God and throw up my hands, "Why?!  Don't I already have enough?"
    I hate that saying: Whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger. If you need proof that that's a bunch a hogwash, spend some time with a stroke patient.
     If that adage is true than I have played my cards wrong. Instead of being a capable, independent and strong woman I should have become a mincing delicate flower fainting from the "vapors", so God wouldn't seek me out to heap the challenges on me I am somehow designed to handle.
    This past week my son was sick. His father is falling off the wagon more regularly lately so was less than no help, in fact, he was a nuisance.  I nursed my son, cleaned up vomit, wiped his nose and and he got better. And, of course, then I got sick.        
     Meanwhile, the week ran into the weekend and yard work was beckoning. The leaves are piled in the yards and needed taken care of before it snows. This was a six-hour job I wasn't up to, so  I used precious funds and paid someone to do it for me. The yard looked great when he was done. 20 lawn bags filled to the top.I felt better about spending the money as I was feeling very achy.  I had a hot drink and went to bed.
     In morning, I awoke with my throat on fire, my head stuffed with cotton and then looked outside and saw that some miscreants had dumped half the bags out on the lawn and porch. Why? 
    After cleaning that up, I found out my ex is teetering on getting himself evicted from his parents house for his continued drinking. If that were to happen, there goes my son's relationship with his father, another crises he would have to handle.
     And yes, I hear those of you out there saying he's better off without his drunken father, but I'll tell you this: My son and his father love each other. My son is very aware of his father's illness. His father is deeply flawed, but who he hurts most is himself.  Is my son better off not having a relationship at all? I truly don't think so. When we got divorced, that was son's biggest fear that he wouldn't see his daddy anymore. Yes, Alcoholism is rough stuff and its not something that tops my wish list for what I want in my nine-year-old's life,  but I can't withhold reality from him and I can't withhold his dad. My son is adores his dad when sober, and avoids him when he's not. He knows how to use a phone and his grandparents are there to fill in any gaps of neglect that can happen if his dad falls off the wagon.
    I also found out that if my ex is allowed to stay at his parents house, they will be leaving on vacation half-way between my son's next scheduled weekend with his dad.  The weekend I had a Christmas party to go to. A  rare, adults-only affair that I have been looking forward to with unusual glee.
    Uncle already! I have enough. I've proven enough that I'm strong. God, if You are trying to teach me something, I promise you I can learn without all these negative distractions.
    Last night I got down on my knees and begged God to send me something good. Today in mail I received a $20 gift card for a dollar store. I had to laugh. That's about how the balance of good/bad is going in my life. Bad Stuff: Drunken ex, hooligans, sickness, cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night, poverty, uncertainty, despair. Good Stuff: A dollar store spree. Yes, God is funning me, but it's  better than a kick in the ass.  I'll take it.