There's a show on television I'm fascinated with. It's called, "What would you do?" The premise features actors displaying morally questionable behavior in public. The public's response, or lack of, is filmed. The goal is for someone to step in and when that happens it is celebrated. When it doesn't it's explored.
Yes, it verges on the cheesy reality t.v. side, but I think its hold on me is because lately I've been thinking about our judgment on what is considered something worthy of moral outcry and what is not. When is it okay to cry "foul" and when is it better to say, "mind your own business?"
In the Serenity Prayer that serves as the conscience of such groups as Al Anon, it says, "Grant me the ability to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can."
Usually this serves as a reminder that you can't change others, nor should you try. That you can only change yourself, your own behavior and attitudes. Which I totally understand (and fail to successfully incorporate into my life way too often). But there is a lot of gray space there. If someone is being hurt and your intervention or voice isn't going to change that someone getting hurt, does that mean its wise to be silent?
It all comes down to what you expect to change. For example, if a drunken man is at a bar with a young child, your voice and actions can change the man driving that child anywhere, but there is very little chance it going to change whether or not the man gets drunk again.
If a person is being bullied because of his race, religion or sexual persuasion, you are probably not going to change the bully's attitude and prejudice by speaking up, but you can change the acceptance of the bullying.
Too often we don't speak up because we think it won't change anything. It does change things, but you have to change your expectations of what will change. Forget trying to change the person. Change the environment in which that person operates.
I have written before about the bully's universal defect of not minding his or her business and that is correct. It is not anybody's business how people look, talk, or who they love or what they believe as long as it doesn't directly negatively affect your life -- and "directly" is the key word here because it doesn't count if someone's lifestyle negatively affects you internally--that's your business, not theirs.
I'm talking about actual interruptions into your life. For example, if someone doesn't agree with your politics fine, that may make you uncomfortable, but it doesn't directly affect your life. That's their business. Someone protests your politics on a public street, yes, internally uncomfortable, but still its your problem and their business. That is not to say you shouldn't express your beliefs and disagreement, appropriately, if you choose. If that someone makes threatening calls to you or prevents you from going to work, school, church, that affects your life. They are no longer minding their own business. They are minding yours. They are bullying you.
Speaking out against cruelty or potentially harmful situations is not butting into someone else's business. It is our business. It's your business, and mine.
We stand by all too often and shake our heads at the state of our town, our country, our world. History has shown us that when this happens, the most amazing atrocities can happen.
Speak up and speak out. Your voice may be lonely, but not for long.
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