My lost tribe

     A recurrent theme with me since my divorce is this feeling of losing my tribe. I'm not sure why this feeling is so pronounced now because my circumstances didn't dictate some of the fallout that normally happens in a breakup. I didn't lose mutual friends. Yes, I have lost touch with some family members from my ex's side, but I'm still friendly with those I love and even socialize with them on occasion.
    I think it's the feeling of fitting in somewhere unconditionally. I have a wonderful family of my own, but we don't live very close together so visits, etc., are manipulated and planned. My ex-husband's family was large and near enough that gatherings were often and big and taken for granted. I'm glad my son still gets to experience that, because I miss it very much.
      I didn't like everybody who attended these family events and I'm sure there were members who found me a pain in the ass. There were times when I actually resented going there so often, because of various reasons from boredom of the doing the same thing to finding it unpleasant due to the family dynamics of the moment.
    But that's what belonging to a tribe is all about: Acceptance.  Even when I was ready to throttle someone, I never felt out of place or unwelcome. Neither did the person I wanted to throttle.  There was a grudging acceptance, that no matter how unpleasant or undeserving a person in the tribe was, they still were welcome for dinner.  I felt  comfortable, never had to put on airs and I didn't realize at the time how wonderful it is to have a place to go and be yourself and know you were welcomed for any holiday or weekend.
    I know a lot of what I'm feeling comes with the territory. It's the transition of everything being new and having to find my new soft place to fall. But, now, more than ever, its what I need, and I just don't have the resources right now to make it happen for myself.  It is onerous to me to call and invite and arrange. I can only let down my guard with my closet friends. Even the simplest event is painful for me to organize right now and any rejection is brutal and just underscores the "lost tribe" feeling.
    I don't mind spending time alone. I enjoy it-- and sometimes prefer it in fact. That I am such a private person and am choosy about who I let in close, makes this even more difficult. But I do like to feel like I belong, as I'm sure everyone does.  I like to feel like I contribute something to a group, that my presence is wanted and needed.
    I understand why people who have been rejected from their families because of their sexual orientation or other silly familial un-met expectation, form such cohesive social groups. I understand why Al Anon is so important to many of its members. It has become important to me, though it doesn't work for me socially. 
     So how does one go about making a new groove for oneself? How do you get other people out of their grooves/ruts to allow you to fit in with them?